My mum wanted to make a board with a photo of me on it and get everyone at the birthday picnic to sign it. But when we got to Big W to print out the picture, it wouldn't print because my dad saved it on a PDF file and Big W only prints normal picture files. So, after shopping for all the other things we needed, we went all the way back home so I can change the photo from a PDF to a JPEG. We then went back to Westpoint Blacktown to go to Big W again but the machine stuffed up, and my sister, who just arrived from school, started sulking about how much she wanted to go home because her thick private-school dress was making her sweat.
We eventually got to the car and my mum started crying while we were driving home. I've already talked about our issues at home countless of times on here, but everyone else in the household is just as equally as aggravated as me. My grandma and grandpa, on a lesser extent, don't seem to see anything and are so ignorant to the fact that my dad is getting stressed, my mum has to do everything for them (cook, clean, wash and iron their clothes etc) despite the fact that she's not even related to them, and my sister and I have taken the background ever since. April and I have never even been noticed at this household ever since November last year, when they arrived.
During my HSC Trials, that's when I really saw how much my mum worked to keep our house in a stable order. I stayed home a lot then because of studying, and I saw all of that. If I thought I was really stressed about the HSC (probably a lot more than most people because I had three major HSC works to try and finish too), imagine my mum. The HSC only lasted until November. My mum has to do all of what she does everyday for probably the rest of her life.
That's when I decided to want to learn how to do more things around the house, with the perfect time to do that being my long three-month post-HSC holiday. Actually learn how to cook so she doesn't have to do it all the time when she doesn't have time. To do the laundry so she can be catching up on sleep instead of washing all of our clothes. How to drive so I can drive instead of her if she's too tired. I was willing to learn how to do all those things then eventually take over. But no. One week before my post-HSC holiday, my grandparents decide to waltz in for the next three months, until the end of the post-HSC holiday, to stay at our house. We warned them that life in Australia is extremely different. It's lonely. And you're expected to do your own things. Yet they pushed to come here. I know that they miss my dad, I know that. But my grandmother’s attitude towards all of this changed everything.
Overall, my grandparents’ presence in the past three months has been nothing but a burden to our household. It’s cost us physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. I find myself crying everyday now because of this. The thing I can equate what I feel to in the most accurate way is by comparing what I feel to PMS. You know that feeling when you have PMS (girls!). You wake up in the morning, just angry at what’s around you. You wanna stay in bed all day long until you stop feeling that way. But often, you’re gonna have to get up and face the world. You laugh. You smile. You have fun. But you still have the stomach cramps and the pissed-off feeling is still at the back of your mind, and it wouldn’t take a lot at all until someone pisses you off and sets off that emotion. It will last for a few days. But this has been me everyday for the past three months. My entire post-HSC holiday. The main reason why I worked so hard for the HSC is because I know the holiday after it is three long months that are gonna be worth it in the end because it will take everything back that I lost during the HSC year. Mainly the relaxation and a worry and stress-free lifestyle.
But I can tell you without even having to think about it too much that my post-HSC holiday was even more stressful than my entire HSC year. I got into one of the most respected, reputable and prestigious universities in the f*cking country with the motivation and expectation ‘Oh, it’ll all be worth it in the end because I’ll be able to do everything I wanted to do but never got to do because of the HSC in my post-HSC holidays!’ That’s the reason why I got into Sydney University. But now, it all seems moot. I ask myself ‘Imagine if I’d known my post-HSC holiday would be exactly like this. Would I have still gotten those HSC results? Would I even be attending USYD by now?’ When I tell people this, no one seems to understand. That’s why I decided to just stop it by now and just voice it all out on this blog. I don’t know if anyone will relate to this, or even understand it, or support me at all. All of them have said ‘Maybe it’s because of old age’ or ‘It’ll get better!’ Yeah, it is because of old age but my grandmother has always been a b*tch even when she was young (ask my parents). And yeah, it WILL get better when they leave. On February 28. The day before I go back to university. I never even got a holiday. Not even one f*cking day.
However. I know and I really feel that I should be leaning to God through all of this. But He’s the one that gave me, us, this situation. Yeah, I can’t deny that I’m having a hard time and so is everyone else, and that I’m so mad about it. But I feel like I have no right to turn to God or get mad about my situation, or even get hurt even though I should turn to Him. That’s why I’m not telling anyone about anything anymore. I’ve told everyone, but they seem to underestimate the situation, just don’t understand and seem to see me as being obnoxious about all this, and I feel like I can’t turn to God either. I just cry now. In fact, I just cried then.
Anyway, if you're reading this and you're getting bored, sorry! I promise, I'm brainstorming many, many ideas on better blog posts! :D
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